Joy in the Midst of Struggle
Seven short years ago, I had a shocking and overwhelmingly humbling experience. Lightning struck my workplace and 4 of us were sent to the hospital to be checked out. After some tests, I was told that I had a very large brain tumor and admitted to the hospital. That was petrifying. On day two of my stay, the neurosurgeon corrected the diagnosis. It was not a tumor but an Arachnoid Cyst in the left side of my head. Taking up almost one fifth of the space allotted to my brain, this fluid filled bubble was apparently inside my head in some form my whole life. At that time, the doctors said we would monitor it, and as long as it did not change size or cause symptoms then it would be safer to leave it be.
That was in May. Within three months time, I was struck by lightning, told about this huge cyst, after fourteen years of marriage, my husband Bill and I were struggling and considering separation, our 13 year old Boston terrier had a stroke and we had to put him to sleep and a close friend of mine died unexpectedly. I was depressed, lost and felt completely hopeless.
I had prayed to God about the cyst because it scared me. I prayed to God about my marriage because I felt like a failure. I prayed to God about my dog, Bart, because I was sad and I prayed about my friend because I felt mournful. The problem here, in all this praying, I was not following God. I had been saved as a child but it had been many years since I had gone to church and I knew very little about having a personal relationship with Christ.
My husband and I had visited different churches over the years but never made one our home. Our then eleven-year-old daughter knew very little about Jesus. Through all of this, I realized that I needed help, I needed God. It’s amazing how feeling unloved, helpless and hopeless can do that to you. A little lightning in your life doesn’t hurt either…
I was watching television one night after a ‘discussion’ with my husband and flipping through the channels I just ‘happened’ to stop on a station with a pastor giving a sermon on forgiveness. He talked about how God would not only forgive me, but that He loved me. He also pointed out how we are to forgive others and by doing so we are not only following God’s word but we will feel relief. The weight I had been struggling with will be lifted.
That pastor was right! At the end of his sermon, when he gave an alter call, I prayed, right there in my bedroom to rededicate my life to Christ. I did feel loved. I did feel relief. I felt a call to find a church where I would be supported, grow in my faith and become a part of the congregation, the family of God.
This picture is the first small group Bible study that Bill and I participated in at our church. In this One- on- One with God group, we both learned new disciplines of daily bible study, prayer and meditation that helped change our lives through growing our knowledge and faith. This is where I learned what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus.
I made loving connections with my prayer partners. These women have been a Godsend for me. We have shared each other’s triumphs and failures, joys and sadness. We have celebrated birthdays, graduations and weddings. We have been comforters and consolers through illnesses and deaths of loved ones. We have been honest when needed, to give each other a little verbal ‘kick in the hindquarters’ to keep us on the right path. Over the last 6 ½ years we have added more ladies to our group and even though some have moved away we still are very close and supportive in each other’s lives.
As Bill and I worked on our relationship with Christ and with each other our daughter, Krysten had new examples to follow. She was baptized in 2003 and has been active in church ever since. As a part of the church youth group she has traveled to Mexico once and to Big Creek Missions in southeastern Kentucky twice to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
At the beginning of this blog I told you about a cyst on my brain. Well, the story of God’s grace continues…
In January of 2010 I was in an auto accident. My car was damaged, I was taken to the emergency room and other than a bump to the head and pain in my shoulder and ankle I seemed alright.
A few days later I started to have neck pain and headaches. I saw my family doctor and my chiropractor to try to find relief. After a few months of medications and physical therapy, the symptoms were getting worse. So, I was sent for MRI’s of my head and neck. To make a long story short, the cyst had grown 2cm and was pressing against my optic nerve and I had two damaged discs in my neck.
After much prayer and two neurosurgeons opinions, it was determined that I needed two surgeries. First would be a craniotomy to remove the cyst and relieve the pressure and then a disc replacement and fusion. The surgeries were scheduled 4 weeks apart in July and August.
The brain surgery turned out to be much more than expected. As it turned out, I had a large subdural hematoma that according to my surgeon was a time bomb that should have killed me. He told my husband that the only reason I’m here is that “God has a plan and He is not done with me yet.”
Throughout the entire process, from the accident, through months of pain with no real answers, to the diagnoses and eventually surgery my Christian sisters and brothers were a great support. They were the Good News!
They prayed for relief of the pain. They prayed for wisdom and guidance in the decisions we needed to make. They came to the hospital and sat long hours with my husband and extended family during both surgeries. (The hospital workers could not get over how many people were there.) They brought my family prepared dinners during my recovery. They sent cards, called, emailed and yes, even Facebooked us through the healing process.
The ladies that were in that first bible study, my prayer partners, were a big part. The members of the Sunday school class we attend, my choir buddies, small group friends and our Emmaus family: all were of great comfort and support. The compassionate Body of Christ wrapped us in loving arms of reassurance and comfort.
I believe, as does my husband, that God knew we could not have handled this situation alone. That’s why, all those years ago, He woke us up with that crack of lightning and called us into His family. He guided us to a church through the recommendation of a friend and a stranger. He encouraged us to be active in different church ministries and groups like Emmaus where we have made strong friendships.
He led us to Christian doctors who prayed with us before the surgeries. He provided just what we needed, when we needed it and all of it is to His glory!
I love this quote from Roy Lessin, a writer with Day Spring-
Just think, you’re here not by chance, but by God’s choosing.
His hand formed you and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else- you are one of a kind.
You lack nothing that His grace can’t give you.
He has allowed you to be here at this time in history to fulfill
His special purpose for this generation.
I may not know my exact purpose in this life, but what I do know is that God loves me, He loves all of us! He will direct our steps if we look to Him for guidance and allow His Holy Spirit to live and reign on the thrones of hearts and lives.
As I begin this new year and celebrate my birthday, I have looked back and been awed by the way God, through His son Jesus, and through his children has blessed me in so many ways: too numerous I cannot even begin to list them all. And although I am not perfect, never will be, I strive to live for Him. When I make a mistake, I confess and ask for forgiveness. I know that He alone is worthy of my praise and that through all that I have endured in life: hurts, losses, struggles, love, successes and many, many blessings, I have joy in all of it because of Christ.
