A Mother's Day Legacy (The Earl Girls)

 

Sitting here in my office, early on this Saturday morning, the day before Mother’s Day 2015, I have had an opportunity to reflect upon the many female influences in my life. This holiday, a day to honor the Mother’s in our world, brings about a barrage of feelings, some joyful and some filled with regret. For me this day is not just about the woman who gave birth to me, or raised me, but about every woman who has spoken into my life, who has had a hand in shaping the person I have become, or will, as life continues.

If I were to be honest, I do not remember life with my mother, Sandra. I was not quite four years old when my parents split up and she left our home. My parents were young when they married and made some bad choices, however, the decision to be apart may have been a wise one given they were miserable together. I do remember knowing who she was when it was time for visits with her. I remember being happy to see her and excited when my older sisters and I spent summer vacation at her house.

When my father remarried, I was only five, and I remember as I got to know his new wife and her son, Ben, I felt the need to have a Mom in my day to day life. My new brother called her mom, I wanted to, but I was worried it would hurt my mom’s feelings. One time when my mother came to pick us up for a visit, she saw the turmoil I was in and she told me it was okay. She understood. She gave me her blessing to call this new woman in my life “mom” if I wanted to. I can only imagine that somewhere in her heart, it did hurt her, but she didn’t show that to me. As a mother myself, I understand now that was a sacrifice of love from her mother’s heart. I got to know her better as an adult and I remember the last conversation we had in great detail just a month before she died. She was thankful that my sisters and I had grown to be independent women partly because of the influence the second mother had in our lives.

My paternal grandmother, Mammaw Jane, was probably the most stable woman in my life. As I flip through memories of years long past, she was always there. I cannot remember ever feeling less than cherished by her. Mammaw had a sweet spirit of hospitality and showed love and compassion to everyone. She taught me how to cook and to sew as a child when my sisters and I stayed with her and Pappaw during and after our parents’ divorce. I remember being there often as a young child and I’ve been told many stories of how my grandparents took care of all four of us on multiple occasions.

Memories of Mammaw bring joy to my heart. The aromas from her kitchen still linger in my senses evoking feelings of love and fullness. I still have quilts that she made which always conjure thoughts of when she would awaken me early as my sisters got ready to go to school in the mornings. I would stand up on the bed and she would wrap me in the safety of one of her handmade quilts and lay me on the couch to watch television as the girls ate their breakfast and got dressed for the day. I believe my grandmother was my first example of what love, commitment, strength, and sacrifice truly are in the heart of a mother. She showed me how to be patient. How to be hospitable. How to know when to step into a fight and when to back away. She loved with her whole heart and for that I am grateful.

My dad’s new wife, Ann, became my mother by marriage but has become my mother by heart over the many years she has been in my life. She took on a family of five children when she married dad; her son and her new husband’s four daughters. Later they had two more daughters for a grand total of seven. Many people would describe siblings in this family as step-sister, step-brother, half-sister etc.  We never have. We are family, that’s it.

I cannot imagine what taking on the responsibility of four more children, when you were used to just one, would have been like. There were difficult days for sure, particularly with the older kids in the newly combined family. Everyone at times, had difficulty adjusting to the changing family dynamic. I guess this would be where I was blessed because I was so young. The adaptation to the new situation was easier for me because of the lack of maturity. I’m sure I missed my mom and I know I missed my grandparents, but I really do not recall all the particulars. Over the years, Ann, loved me like a mom and I still call her my Mom to this day.

I am also thankful for the influence my older sisters had on me as I grew up and became a woman. Julie, the oldest, felt responsible for us during some of the most tumultuous times. She remembers details of those days and I suppose I am glad I do not. What I do remember is that Julie always took care of us and had a deep protective instinct.  She has always had a strong sense of mothering. I learned a lot about the strength of family from her.

Becky was more independent, a bit defiant, and Donna was more of a responsible homebody, but both of them had tremendous influence in my life. I learned to stand up for myself, to work hard and about being loyal from them. The younger sisters, Holly and Wendy, were my opportunity to be able to love and impart some of the traits I learned. My prayer is that I have had some positive impact on their lives as I know having them as sisters has been a blessing to me.

As we have moved into adulthood, married, and have children of our own, I still recognize the traits in them that I remember from childhood. Looking back, I see more and more of what I love about them displayed in their children and now in their grandchildren. A family legacy of sorts, because although our families are spread out, we have always tried to be present and involved in the lives of each other’s children. The extended family support that our children have had throughout their lives will continue to be passed down to future generations.

My mother passed away from cancer in 1993 and my grandmother in 2008. I am incredibly blessed to still have Ann (Mom) and all of my sisters. The daughters, granddaughters, sisters-in-law and daughters-in-law who have or will become parts of this family, will be mothered and loved intensely. I have a daughter, Krysten, who I know has benefited from the unique female legacy of this family. (I also see the influences of her paternal grandmother, Ruby who passed away in 2006.) We have all dealt with life’s difficult struggles, losses, times of joy and celebrations of achievements, as we have reached milestones in our lives. But, We have done it together, as a family. The Earl Girls live on!

I wish them all a Happy Mother’s Day this weekend, wherever they are. I love you All!